For the sake of all the non Indian/Pakistani/Sri Lankan/Brown Coloured Individuals out there, if you ever decide to marry us, what you should be weary of. If you are Desi and you don’t already know these things…where have you been? You should have know this from birth.
In any case, I will help you, pathetic desi-loving individuals, in the pursuit of winning over your in-laws.
1.) If you are of the following races: white, black, hispanic (it is a colour), asian, and or something not identifiable, you have to work that much harder. You approval rating has already gone down 40%. Its a proven study.
2.) Don’t wear revealing clothing, or even better, wear Indian clothing. This goes for boys and girls. You boys with your buttons open to show more boobage than girls ever do, and the vortex that is your chest hair. Seriously, no-one wants to see that. Your mother-in-law could be raping you with her eyes. Think about it. And girls, brown parents judge you anyways, don’t give them another reason to talk shit.
3.) Don’t leave your hair out. Get those strands out and away from your face, and depending on how traditional the parents are, you may need to put it in a braid and have jasmine flowers pinned in. Look the part ladies, and don’t be bums boys.
4.) Always bring a gift, usually fruit or a flower pot. Don’t be giving sari’s and chocolate until your sure they don’t hate you.
5.) *HIGHLY IMPORTANT* NEVER sit idly. Your Desi in-laws will automatically assume your either dumb, mute, incompetent, or rude.
6.) IF your uneducated and your from a middle class house hold, you might as well give up while your trying.
7.) If your male, have a job. Or at least make shit up about what your profession is. Unemployment= Disapproval.
This leads me the next point,
8.) If your in an obscure profession, save yourself the time explaining and play it up. For example, Urban Planner = Architect.
9.) If your mother-in-law is getting chai, the girl must instintually accompany her in serving. During this process, the male must engage in riveting conversation with the father-in-law about politics, how the government is corrupt, and cricket.
10.) If all fails, say that you are a doctor. They wont care about anything you say after that.
Trust me on this, as racist and shallow brown parents seem, they’re really not that bad…