Late Night Musings

What all High School Seniors Need to Hear

This obsession with figuring out our lives has consumed all our minds. Everyone walks around with the presumptuous attitude, asking questions like,

“What are YOU going to do with your life?”

But the thing is, people only ask that question to one up their own pursuit. They’re so insecure of their own decisions that they need to interrogate you for  your lack of direction. Some of us can fake it better than others, but its like without that support of knowing where you’re going, no-one really believes you can make it.

Its this need for a plan. The plans means reassurance that we won’t fail. That we won’t end up like our miserable parents or our siblings with no direction. The thing we won’t admit is, all of this nonsense is just to divert everyone from the fact that we’re scared. We’re shitting our pants in thinking about being alone and starting all over again.

One of my favourite motivational leaders, Iyanla Vanzant, said something truly profound in a conversation between her and Oprah. She said, when we enter a new situation, something unfamiliar, all of the issues that we haven’t confronted come rushing to the surface. She must have been talking about relationships, but I think this has everything to do with our lives as teenagers. High school is this bubble of comfort, we’re invincible and indestructible. No matter what we do, we can’t be touched, can’t be affected. But without that army, that shied, who would we even be? So, we push it back and charge forward in our fearless youth, unapologetic to our own blind faith. And we bound together by this burning fire in all of us, wanting to be everything and anything that we can.

let it bee

So, ditch the plan. I’m not saying don’t have goals, but if we were all honest with each other, none of us have a clue about where our life will go. And that mystery is the most exhilarating part, so don’t let everyone else’s  fear kill that desire. That desire to love deeply and drink in all the knowledge you can. And putting yourself in the box of everyone else that can’t for the life of them have one interesting conversation without involving the bleak realization of a lifetime of bills and regrets is a waste of your time.

Because you are so much more than the all of those things. You are so much more than the plan or the money. You are impulsive and beautiful, broken and scared, stupid and naive, all somehow blended together. And why the hell are you ashamed of your fear? Because people are telling you that the odds are against you, that what your doing doesn’t make sense? Whatever the case is, that fear is your strength. That strength to annihilate all the walls in your way. And fuck those who think otherwise.

Late Night Musings

Why I Can’t Sleep

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There are these moments in my life where I’ve been completely honest. Devoid of any thoughts of, “That’s not how I really feel”, but letting out the truth. And honestly, I’m usually alone. I live for those moments of clarity, because most of my life is covered in this hazy fuzz. Unsure if anything is real, I just keep moving, until honesty is my only power.

The Night fuels those thoughts.

As a writer, this is the only time of the day where I am alone with my miserableness. Every secret, every anger, every doubt, every sad song becomes a confused medley in my head. If I lose it now, did they ever exist?

I could choose to sleep earlier. I need to wake up early for so many different reasons, but every time it gets to 10 pm. I suddenly force myself to stay up just a few moments longer. I find it weathering to imagine facing yet another day of life. While that sounds awful and cynical, I don’t mean it in that way. I am in, what they call, oceanic bliss, at night, and the thought of losing that too soon by succumbing to sleep is frightening.

My mind goes to every possible direction it can go to, whether it be failure, hope, disappointment, regret, jealousy. I think about all the books I should have finished, all the homework I didn’t get done, and the idle moments that could have been utilized better.

The truth is, though, that art, in its various forms, is highly anti-social. We create in our heads, we thrive in solitude. I think that is bitter beauty in creation, while you need hundreds of people to make it real, only one person holds the burden.

I remember reading an article by Neil Gaimon, and it pretty much said that when you feel an idea coming, don’t let it go. That’s what makes us different from other people. We notice the world with so much more clarity that others around.

So I say this to all writers, all composers and dancers, all singers and poets, when you are sitting on your bedroom floor, exhausted and dejected, know that there are a thousand of us behind you. An army of lost souls. You can’t expect people to understand, and they don’t need to.

Because you have the indomitable will of the dreamer.

Comedy, Late Night Musings

Why I love Mindy Kalling

mindy-kaling

Just a quick update on the current love of my life. Its hard to say when the love turned into any obsession, but it happened way quicker than I thought it would. It all started with conversations I’ve had with my brother, in which he predicts all the different possible outcomes of my life. After a stream of lukewarm ones, he finally lands on “You know the Indian girl on the Office? DO YOU KNOW HER LIFE STORY?” I then learn of all the amazing things shes done for herself, just by working as hard as she could and being as hilarious as she is. The women is a writer, producer, actress, comedian, etc,etc, but I bet you already knew that through wikipedia.

In any case, none of those conversations really led to want to really figure who she is, because I for some reason have a complex in which I dont like to follow what a mass group of people likes. Flashforward, like 6 months later, Im sitting in best friends house and she’s showing me passages of her hilarious memoir, and Im trying again, really hard not to like her as much as I want, and I still refuse. I finally gave about 1 week from today, in which I discovered

dun dun dun

The Mindy Project

If you have not already watched this show, what are you doing? Please, please, with all my heart I am telling you need this show in your life. If not to furthur distract you in your never ending list of shows that everyone is telling that “you haave to watch” (imagine the voice of janice from friends saying this.), then at least be that one soul sliver of light in you mundane life. She plays a 30 year old doctor who honesty, barely does the doctor stuff, and has more hilarious personal drama to occupy her life. Her friends consist of weird middle aged italian men, a convict nurse, stoner receptionists, and more. Her work in the show The Office probably helped with the really random comedy.

I think the thing that makes her so accessible, is her total unabashed confidence in herself. She is totally authentic in what she does, and I guess thats part of the reason she’s so hilarious. A show of awkwardness and brutal honesty, I recommend you all check it out for a daily chuckle 🙂

mindy